This is simply the most effective way to let go of lingering negative emotions and to take positive learnings forward with us into the future.
Although this might sound almost impossible in moments of upset, it works beautifully if you follow this pattern (without rushing the process):
1 – Allow yourself to fully experience the emotion and acknowledge its purpose.
This doesn’t mean that the emotion you experienced isn’t valid. All negative emotions have a purpose. For me, they are:
💜 Anger – tells me when I need to stand up for myself
💜 Sadness – let’s me know what I most care about
💜 Fear – alerts me to the presence of risk – to keep me safe
💜 Hurt – allows me to practice acceptance and let go of what I need to
💜 Guilt – is my conscience kicking in (thank goodness!)
2 – ‘Reframe’ the situation to see the issue from a different perspective – one that is both resourceful and helpful to you moving forward, e.g. what positive learnings you can take into your future experiences that will make it easier for you next time something similar happens.
Examples of reframing negative thoughts might be:
💜 “The kids are driving me crazy” becomes “I have children to love”
💜 “My body is tired and overweight” becomes “My body is alive and functioning”
And examples in the face of difficult life events might be:
💜 “I’m so hurt by my partner cheating on me” becomes “My intuition is strong and I’ll trust it sooner in future”
💜 “I desperately miss my father now that he’s gone” becomes “I’ve been so lucky to have such a deep relationship with my father”
3 – Let it go…
This step is really important. Negative emotions are healthy and keep us safe. Holding on to negative emotions over prolonged periods of time can create both mental and physical issues and eventually negatively affect the way we see the world, limiting our opportunities and our willingness to participate fully in what life has to offer.
I know that “Let it go” sounds cliched, but it will often happen naturally when you’ve been through steps 1 and 2.
What if I can’t let go?
If you’ve followed the process and still find yourself stuck with negative emotions from past events, you might need to look at 2 other strategies:
💜Finding a practitioner who can help you release the past event and the negative emotion at a subconscious level. We’re REALLY good at reasoning with ourselves and going round in circles. Speaking to the unconscious mind doesn’t allow for any of those games.
💜Asking yourself, “What’s the secondary gain here?”. Secondary gain is simply the reason we’re more attached to the problem than the prospect of the solution. In other words, if you solved the problem, what would you lose? What would you have to give up to overcome it?
Ask yourself now, what might you benefit from letting go of?